· The President of Mexico has announced that Mexico will not participate in the upcoming London Olympic Games. He told us, 'Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country.'
· At the Olympic Games, Rhoda meets a man carrying an eight-foot-long metal stick. 'Excuse me,' says Rhoda to the man. 'Are you a pole vaulter?' 'No,"' says the man, 'I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?'
· Apparently the maid I hired to clean my house while I was watching the London Olympics was only second best. She just walked off with the silver.
· Why isn't "sun tanning" an Olympic sport at London 2012? Because the best you can ever get is bronze.
· Pete Jones turned up for the Olympics with some barbed wire under his arm, and came third in the fencing.
· Olympic Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
· Olympic Football commentator: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
· Olympic Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.
· The Olympics motto is "Citius, Altius, Fortius," which, of course, is Greek for, "Go for the gold, but also try to keep your bones organized."
· I could have been a great hockey player except for one thing: I kept falling down.
· Where did some of these Winter Olympics events come from? Like the luge. How is sliding down a mountain on a cafeteria tray a sport?
