Mt Whitney Zone Forums General Discussion Funny stories

Do any of you have any funny but true mountain stories to relate, amongst all this seriousness? I hope so, 'cause the gloomy weather in our local mountains is creating perfect conditions for cabin fever.

Okay, here's a true but funny story from many climbing seasons ago:

While I was sitting at the start of a route called the Great White Book (Tuolumne - Stately Pleasure Dome), contemplating a solo ascent, three male climbers appeared below me, dressed like girls, including one fellow decked-out like a cheer-leader (I can't remember which school...perhaps it was USF). They scrambling up to the base of a detached flake crack climb called the Hermaphodite Flake, as they spoke to each other in high-pitched feminine voices.

I asked what they were going to do, and was told, "We going to do the first transvestite ascent of the Hermaphodite Flake." Before starting their climb, one of them had a pinch of Red Man or something like it (out of character, what?) What followed was quite a performance of giggling and screaming. Eventually they topped-out, but not without a couple of truly frightening moments, as their act caused lapses in concentration.

I'm not sure if this counts as a funny story, but it's true.

I was 28 yrs. old. It was the morning after my first Mt. Whitney summit. It was about 5:00 a.m. when I was awaken by a tiny, petite girl standing over me, acutally she was jogging in place (I slept under the stars - no tent). As I looked up, she asked me which way to the top, I pointed to the trail & towards Trail Crest. She was the cutest young woman with perfect blonde hair (not a hair out of place), she had on a black t-shirt with the word AVON rhinestone studded across her breasts, with full makeup (lipstick, blush, mascara and eye shadow). She took off in the direction I pointed. I was dazed and confused waking up to such a sight. Next thing I knew there were more runners coming. I had no idea that people actually ran to the summit of Mt. Whitney let alone while wearing makeup and rhinestones. I wish I had taken a picture.

This happened last week at Horseshoe Meadow.

I was returning from my warm-up hike to Trail Peak, hurrying down cross-country due to impending darkness. I heard what I thought was a man calling, something like "Hey... Hey!" loudly, off in the distance to the north. I continued descending, and heard it several more times. It sounded human, and I thought maybe someone was lost in the forest, trying to find their way back to the campground at Horseshoe Meadow.

So, I started answering, yelling loudly, "Hellooo" every time I heard the yell. This continued for ten minutes or so. In that period, I finally hit the trail back to camp where it was heading north. I followed the trail a hundred yards or so, and heard the call a couple more times. It was about 90% dark by this time, and I was using my headlamp.

So.... Thinking I might help some stranded hiker(s), I turned eastward and left the trail, walking through the dry meadow, flashing my headlamp to the south from where I believed the person may have been calling. I figured if they were in the edge of the forest, they could see my light, and make contact.

But I walked a quarter mile, shining my light, and ...no more calls. No further contact. I couldn't figure what was up. I finally gave up, turned north again, and headed up through the next forest-covered glacier moraine, down to and across the next leg of the meadow, and into the forest where the trail head was. As I crossed this second meadow area, there was a great chorus of cattle mooing and bawling at each other. This went on for some minutes.

I continued on, found my trail just a hundred yards from the parking lot and got to my car in complete darkness. Thinking back, I finally decided that I had been tricked by an odd-sounding range cow.

...So I was attempting to rescue...     ...a cow.  


And I grew up on a farm with cows, and there were plenty of range cattle off in the distance too. Never heard one call like that one, though.

And this is almost as comical: I moved to the Horseshoe Meadow campground, where I met Randy and Robert at their campsite -- great bonfire, picnic chairs, plus a movie playing on their laptop. They asked if I had heard all those noises a while back off in the distance. They asked, "Were those bears?" I assured them it was the cattle.

This story was told to me on the trail after I told another hiker about a ranger who I talked to about bear barrels and the ranger tells me "Those bear barrels are a joke!!! You can only get 4 days worth of food in them and you think I am going to carry two? Hell no! I sleep with food under my pillow!"

So this hiker says yeah that used to be me until one night he was laying out at Lake Reflection with food under his pillow and he feels drops hitting his face and not opening his eyes he thinks "it's starting to rain" and then it comes to him "wait I have a tarp over me so it can't be rain" so he opens his eyes to find a bear straddled over him with his nose a few inches from his face with saliva dripping on his face. So he screams out loud AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! and he says the bear was as scared as him as the look on the bears face was of complete shock as he leaps off of him and runs away. And well he no longer sleeps with food under his pillow. =P

one has to wonder when a story crosses from "funny" to "TMI"...cuz I have one of those funny TMI stories.....

If you think it is....it probably is

Bee, you are so right.

in light of that...I'll reserve the story for the trail.

I like TMI, so bring it on, Tom. I love stories.

Please: what does TMI mean? Three Mile Island? We're somewhat ignorant of some social networking abbreviations up here in the boonies.

Go ahead and post it!

Too Much Information.

Lynn,
I can see that you are a bad influence..I love it!

TMI = Too Much Information

But, I'll use as many euphemisms as possible....

As my trip report stated for my summit on September 7-8, it was very windy from just above Mirror Lake all the way to the Summit. I camped near Consultation Lake (above it, not at lake level).

In the morning I made a nice breakfast and chowed down and then got ready to make for the summit. It's gettin to be time to go, but I let the guys who I had met up with on the trail know that there is one more item of business to take care of....yup, it's wag bag time. And, I will admit, I was a bit inexperienced in this departement, but hey, how difficult can it be? I traipsed over to a secluded location and took care of business...all the while enjoying the fresh air that the 40-50mph winds were providing. And if you follow the logical progression, I did the expected clean up procedure, but I didn't take into account the wind....the very strong wind that whipped up that used toilet paper and held it 50' directly over my head. I dove to try to catch it, but was obviously in no position to intercept it since I still had trousers around the ankles. But there it was dancing around like a kite in the wind, but staying pretty much stationary right over my head. It kind of reminded me of the plastic bag scene in the movie "American Beauty"...without the aesthetic appeal. Finally a big gust of wind carries my personalized kite down over the ledge east of Consultation Lake.

I finished cleaning up...being much more careful about weighing down anything that could be taken by the wind before I got the ole wagbag all sealed up and then headed back to camp. My two compatriots were chuckling when I came back. Though I was well hidden from them, the way that the "kite" hung over my head let them know where I was like a beacon. One of them made the comment "we saw the one that got away".

And yes, I did ponder chasing it down the hill, but I seriously had no idea where to start looking.